With the rise of online dating, ghosting has become common place – and not just in people’s personal lives. It’s also happening in the workplace, especially where new business prospects are concerned.
Disclaimer alert, I’m part of a so-called, smug married couple. Bridget Jones coined the phrase in her infamous diaries to describe people in relationships who appeared to look down on singletons (another horrendous 90s phrase). Thing is, it’s not smugness – it’s relief. Unbridled relief. Relief at not having to navigate the confusing, often disappointing lottery of finding someone to date or be in a relationship with on the internet. For starters it’s a minefield. There are more than 1,400 sites in the UK alone, catering for people from all walks of life and interests. From casual dating (a phrase used diplomatically to describe Tinder) to relationship-centred dating on eHarmony and the over 50s match-making outfit, Silver Singles (which I mistakenly read as Silver Shingles first time round and thought the alliteration had taken a turn for the worst).
And, once you’ve chosen the best dating app for you, the hard work really begins. How do you appeal to your target audience? How do you sell yourself? How do you engage with people, and how do you avoid being ghosted?
If you’ve ever hit it off with a new fling and suddenly, they drop off the face of Earth without warning – and with absolutely no explanation – then you have been ghosted.
On LinkedIn there are posts of despair surrounding the pitching process with professionals revealing they have been ghosted after pitching for a job (often at the last minute and to tight deadlines). I mean, what’s wrong with a polite, but explicit rejection? At least that way the other person (or team of people if it’s work related), gets a clear message, they have closure and they move on. Ghosting is not being bothered enough to find the time to explain yourself – it’s being unaccountable and it’s rude. It can also be distressing, especially in personal situations (if you’re filling in the silence with worst-case scenarios).
So, what can be done to turn the tide and ensure that people, both in the dating and business world, are treated with respect and fairness? To find the answer, I Googled it and (having done my due research), I felt like I had the beginnings of Ghostbusters spin off. Instead of holding the ‘ghoster’ to account, many of the articles gave advice on how to avoid being the ‘ghostee’ by being a good communicator and being respectful. If only this were the case. Unfortunately, being a good communicator and being respectful does not stop people from ghosting you. In the absence of any clear guidance on ghosting in the business world, I decided to create my own:
- Set clear boundaries and expectations from the start.
- Get an idea of budget.
- Make sure you get a clear brief and ensure it’s the same brief as your competitors.
- Where possible get them to come to you for the brief. Our pitching team has been crammed into tiny rooms, offered lunch, and then not been fed, been kept waiting for unnecessary amounts of time, had difficulty using someone else’s tech, the list goes on. Having the prospective client come to you is to your advantage because it draws the prospect into your world – you’re the host, they are the guest – and that, indirectly demands timeliness and respect.
- Ask for a clear response (verbally and in writing) and, where possible, feedback on the pitch.
- Following the pitch, give them a deadline to respond to you by. Tell the prospective client the importance you place on timely communication.
- Provide the prospective client with a timeline for follow up emails and calls and book a meeting with them to discuss progress.
- If you’re unsuccessful, provide them with a multiple-choice Q&A for easy/quick feedback.
- Talk to your team and discuss any worries/problems/feedback.
- Learn from the experience and move forward.
I appreciate these tips are not ghosting proof, but setting out clear parameters for your working relationship is just as important as having boundaries in your personal life. Sure, it may feel uncomfortable at first, but self care is important and there’s no point wasting energy on people who aren’t interested in you – just as you are (with whatever Bridget Jones’ traits that entails).
